Addressing Unmarried Christian Sexual Desires: A Guide
Finally, we’ve revealed our position on unmarried Christian’s masturbation and what stance we should take on it.
The complexity of masturbation and the subtlety of the problem make it hard to come up with a simple answer.
I think at least three different positions are possible as Christian countermeasures against masturbation.
This is closely related to how unmarried Christians should accept or reject masturbation. But first, let me look at how plural positions are created.
Characteristic factors of Christian masturbation
In determining a Christian’s response to masturbation, the following characteristic factors can be listed.
- (1) The degree of spiritual ㆍ religious maturity of an individual
- (2) Whether a person is subject to sexual relations
- (3) Life experience and age
- (4) Individuals’ own temperament, conviction, determination, and stubbornness.
Now let’s look at these formative factors one by one.
The first formative factor concerns the individual’s faith maturity.
Christians’ sexual understanding and sexual attitudes are not unrelated to spiritual maturity reached in areas other than sex, nor can they be formed apart from such areas.
If you are mature and well-trained in various areas of faith, you should certainly be considered to have a similar level of maturity and judgment in other sexual areas, including masturbation.
The second point is closely related to the patterns and expressions of an individual’s current sexual life. If he is married and lives with his spouse, he will not be pressured by masturbation.
Unfortunately, if you are having secret sex with an object, your dependence on the release of a sexual desire for masturbation will be less than living without a sexual subject.
The third forming factor is presented based on the conviction that human life and experience affect the discernment and moderation of sex. At the same time it is not irrelevant to masturbation.
When there are a 45-year-old single man and a 15-year-old middle school student, their attitudes and positions on loud voices will definitely differ.
What made such a difference? They would have learned so much from their experiences, what they felt and decided through repeated mistakes, and their discernment and wisdom from hardships.
The fourth and final item concerns individuals’ unique religious temperaments and convictions.
One is often dominated by certain unusual tastes or trends that can never be generalized in the formation of one’s own convictions or beliefs.
This is the same for sex and masturbation.
Therefore, some people want to stay away from masturbation because of guilt, while others are very free in that respect.
Three different positions on Christian masturbation
It is easy to assume that these individual characteristics will affect the decision regarding loud behavior.
Because of these four aspects, three different positions arise for Christians regarding masturbation.
In a nutshell, they are as follows.
- (A) A warrior.
- (B) Conformity
- (C) Adoption
Let’s look at these positions one by one.
(A) A warrior.
Christian masturbators usually aim for ‘sublimation’ with their sexual ideals.
They believe that God’s help and efforts can overcome humans’ sexual desires and urges.
Staying away from the sexually stimulating environment and stimuli as much as possible, devoting yourself to exercise, creative efforts and volunteering to burn sexual energy, praying harder and begging for God whenever you are full of lust and desire, and going to God with repentance and determination again.
They may not necessarily treat all kinds of sacred acts as sin, but they do not see it as the best way for Christians to walk anyway.
The strength of Warrior’s position is immediately apparent. They have clear objectives regarding masturbation and a clear course of action.
The problem is that they do not reach that goal on their own, but it is at least as clear as the goal itself.
In addition, since they put the fight against masturbation at the forefront of their religious lives, their inner life and spiritual formation are lively and active.
Confirm the response of prayer, and overflow with hope for a deeper sanctification through the power of the Holy Spirit.
In fact, if you take this position, at least in masturbation, you will embody holiness characteristics more than any other position.
On the other hand, weakness cannot be ignored. The biggest problem with Warrior’s position is psychological and spiritual distress when sexual desire is not sublimated.
This continues to be consistent with the joy of victory and the testimony of victory, and you suffer such pain when you are defeated by a desire at one moment, and when you feel that you do not see as much spiritual growth and fruit of the torch as others.
Evangelicals have largely suggested the warrior as a solution to masturbation problems. But in recent years this position seems to be losing its power.
Another position on masturbation as a Christian is conformity.
Christians who support conformity do not see sublimation as the only way for unmarried people to satisfy their sexual desires.
Sublimation is considered the most desirable thing, but considering human sexual mechanisms and sexual reality, masturbation is also accepted as a possible alternative.
In other words, they are suitable for unmarried Christians to convert, but even if they are not, they can adopt self-defense as the second best option.
On the other hand, it does not give up its efforts to sublimate. However, it also acknowledges the inevitability of self-defense in many cases, perhaps because sexual desire through masturbation is realistically more appropriate.
It was named conformity because of its receptive policy toward loud voices.
Conformity’s strength is its flexibility to accept the idea of sublimation as well as self-defense at the same time.
Christians strive for sublimation. Even if you fail, you can accept reality without suffering.
However, conformity can also be a fatal weakness.
If self-defense can also be a countermeasure, why dream of sublimation once you fail? No, wouldn’t it be better to rely solely on masturbation from now on?
These counter-questions show that conformity retention is not as easy as thought, both theoretically and psychologically.
Therefore, he/she also doubts whether psychological difficulties such as guilt, helplessness and frustration remain difficult. He/she also doubts whether this position can serve as a reliable sexual action policy.
But in any case, most Christians will remain compliant.
The most enterprising Christian attitude toward the high voice is adoption.
Christians who support this position argue that masturbation is God’s emergency measure against unmarried Christians.
They are neither opposed to the sublimation policy. If that method were actually possible, acceptance would not have been offered.
However, given the perception of sex and humans, it is still the smartest step to acknowledge masturbation.
However, supporting adoption does not mean that all forms and contents of masturbation are admitted indiscriminately.
Rather, they are not linked to the psychological problems of masturbation that are not involved in the crime as much as possible, exclude the intentional use of pornography or painting, and only masturbate based on sexual fantasy of images that are not morally problematic.
Adoption recognizes, among other things, rational treatment of sexual desires.
Supporters of this position argue that if sexual desires are God’s gift, God should even provide the way for unmarried Christians to reasonably deal with such needs.
He then concludes that masturbation is the most effective way to solve unmarried Christians’ problem.
But Acceptance’s position also has weaknesses. From this point of view, unmarried Christians are unlikely to rely on God’s ministry in relation to sex, life, and especially masturbation.
In this case, this deistic perspective can be inherited among Christians in relation to masturbation, which should be noted. In addition, if even one of them is careless, their loud acts can actually turn into a feast of repeated sins. This is hampered by hedonistic and restrained habits, unlike superficial claims.
So far, I have explained that three different positions can be established in relation to attitudes toward sexual behavior. These positions are followed by a general description of each position, while introducing the strengths and weaknesses of each position.
Three positions of spiritual maturity
Given the text flow, it should already be over, so why should another item follow? One might wonder like this.
There are the following reasons.
If someone read the previous item and sympathized deeply with the various acceptance patterns, and said, “Yes, this is it.” In fact, I’ve been waiting for this flexible text. My type is the adoption type. Oh, now he sheds light on masturbation,” and breathed relief.
But if the person is a 27-year-old graduate student who believes in Jesus, who obsessively indulged in masturbation before becoming a Christian, or a 16-year-old high school student who grew up in a Christian family, blinded by sex stimulation and pleasure, the problem is serious.
However, whether he is a faithful Christian unmarried professor who has been struggling for decades with the problem of masturbation, or an unmarried young man who has felt that only the way of “sublimation” while believing in the Holy Spirit is God’s will toward Christians, we will be able to respond much more positively to such discovery and enlightenment.
What does that mean? Although I recently presented three positions objectively, excluding consideration of subjective aspects such as personal situation or maturity, each Christian should find the most reasonable and necessary pattern for his or her current spiritual maturity for his or her own spiritual benefit and development.
In general, I think it is reasonable for people who have faith or take the first step of faith not to adopt a certain type of adoption all of a sudden. Instead, they should have some faith experience through warrior type and conformity type, and adopt adoption type after training.
Without doing so, if you try to solidify adoption type in your own pattern from the beginning, it will not work very well. However, even if you do so, you will have trouble with spiritual maturity.
Let’s say someone takes the Warrior type as the only possible pattern and trains it to perform.
He makes every effort to achieve sublimation. Longing for the Holy Spirit’s power and ministry, he obeys his sexual desires.
I am disappointed to fail several times. No, sometimes even the more I try, the more I get frustrated by myself falling out easier.
I repent and move on, but the same mistake repeats and the dirty scarlet letter of sin still remains.
Then, despite his sins, he stands up again, looks at the cross of the victorious Lord. He embarks on the Sublimation journey, and this process repeats.
He then meets adoption type after many twists and turns. He is freed from guilt and experiences deep freedom. In fact, this was my own spiritual journey.
But you can also imagine a very conflicting scenario. As mentioned earlier, you are not spiritually trained, fight sin, and stay in an adoption state without suffering from tears, remorse and sin. Adoption of this type is not possible for these individuals.
However, the aforementioned single professor or office worker is very different. Due to the price they have paid and the valuable experience they have obtained, they enjoy and deserve the benefits of this type of adoption.
In that sense, I value the pain of the past. In fact, from my current point of view, I saw sex too negatively in the past. I suffered from unnecessary guilt, and preferred a overly ascetic prescription.
But thanks to God for that experience. I am not grateful for that experience itself, but for being able to achieve it now through such experiences in the past.
If I had chosen an adoption type at the beginning, I would never have experienced such a pattern. However, it was not until he started to be a warrior type and passed through a conformity type that he met adoption type.
Of course I do not intend to impose or stress this process on everyone arbitrarily. Perhaps it makes sense to adopt a type of adoption without going through the agony like me.
That possibility should not be ruled out. But for most Christians, it will not be like that. Rather, the development stages of a warrior type, conformity type and adoption type, as we now argue, would be better suited.
Hopefully we can become wiser and more honest in identifying and evaluating ourselves. If this can be clearly premised, the various acceptance patterns I have presented are sufficient to serve their original purpose.
The bottom line is whether we are full of freedom, courage, joy, and vitality as sexual beings. Therefore, it is a question of whether we actually reflect God’s goodness, holiness, and glory through our sexual presence.